I'm still awake...

Hello my dearest perfect stranger,

How is Your day so far? I hope You are feeling fine, it would mean a lot to me. The day has come to end and I am feeling kind of tired. Sometimes!
You know, sometimes I feel so all alone.
I am sitting here in the shadow of my sorrows, together with my diary, writing to You. Sometimes I think of how could it be, to talk to You, to hear Your voice, and you would tell me:
"Don't worry my dear, I am here for You, just lay down Your tired head on my shoulder, I am here with You." and I would do so, I would close my and take deep breath and I would sence the perfume of Your body and I would say:
"I missed You today!"
You would hold me.
You would then open a bottle of wine, a strawberry one, my favorite, but You would know that, at least You should. Probably I would tell how was my day so far.

Sometimes... sometimes I hate these days, when I meet people, I see people... I hate people. They are mostly being so egoistic, so coldhearted, and I am sorry to feel this way, but I can't help myself. But I know You are different, I couldn't hate You, that would be impossible!

I take a small nip of a wine and enjoy the sweet taste of strawberries, it reminds of the summer.
Oh I wish it could be a summer, how amazing it would be to go to the beach, to take a long walk and my feet would touch the warm water and sunlight kisses my face so gently. I wish You could be with me. We could walk together... a walk to remember!
You probably noticed by now that all my sentences consist mostly of two words - "could" and "would", but thinking only in the future time is difficult and useless I feel that it is so. Someone once told - all the thoughts that are being considered in the future time, will most probably stay in the future time (reaching for untouchable) and that would mean, we won't meet, we won't look into each others eyes. So I will stop myself of using these disloyal words, at least as many as I use.
Another glass of wine, and now I'm feeling pretty much dizzy, but I hope You forgive me my weakness, I am just feeling tired of chasing my dreams, trying to reach a ghost, but a perfect one for sure (I must smile at this point). You are a ghost to me, at least for now.
...I can't find a switch to turn on the light by the end of the tunnel I call my life. It is so dark, but it is not cold anymore, the wine helps to feel the warmth.

I'm still awake, and all my wishes go out to You my perfect ghost.
Yours,
N.

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