I'm still awake...

Hello my dearest perfect stranger,

How is Your day so far? I hope You are feeling fine, it would mean a lot to me. The day has come to end and I am feeling kind of tired. Sometimes!
You know, sometimes I feel so all alone.
I am sitting here in the shadow of my sorrows, together with my diary, writing to You. Sometimes I think of how could it be, to talk to You, to hear Your voice, and you would tell me:
"Don't worry my dear, I am here for You, just lay down Your tired head on my shoulder, I am here with You." and I would do so, I would close my and take deep breath and I would sence the perfume of Your body and I would say:
"I missed You today!"
You would hold me.
You would then open a bottle of wine, a strawberry one, my favorite, but You would know that, at least You should. Probably I would tell how was my day so far.

Sometimes... sometimes I hate these days, when I meet people, I see people... I hate people. They are mostly being so egoistic, so coldhearted, and I am sorry to feel this way, but I can't help myself. But I know You are different, I couldn't hate You, that would be impossible!

I take a small nip of a wine and enjoy the sweet taste of strawberries, it reminds of the summer.
Oh I wish it could be a summer, how amazing it would be to go to the beach, to take a long walk and my feet would touch the warm water and sunlight kisses my face so gently. I wish You could be with me. We could walk together... a walk to remember!
You probably noticed by now that all my sentences consist mostly of two words - "could" and "would", but thinking only in the future time is difficult and useless I feel that it is so. Someone once told - all the thoughts that are being considered in the future time, will most probably stay in the future time (reaching for untouchable) and that would mean, we won't meet, we won't look into each others eyes. So I will stop myself of using these disloyal words, at least as many as I use.
Another glass of wine, and now I'm feeling pretty much dizzy, but I hope You forgive me my weakness, I am just feeling tired of chasing my dreams, trying to reach a ghost, but a perfect one for sure (I must smile at this point). You are a ghost to me, at least for now.
...I can't find a switch to turn on the light by the end of the tunnel I call my life. It is so dark, but it is not cold anymore, the wine helps to feel the warmth.

I'm still awake, and all my wishes go out to You my perfect ghost.
Yours,
N.

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A new day, a new beginning.

Good morning, dear old friend,

(I think we're friends now)

It is never easy to open my eyes every single morning, and seeing only the walls of my bedroom covered with lilies, but I could imagine, that You are gone just for a moment. How long the moment is? Will You come back? I truly hope so.
It is so hard to open my eyes, when I'm still dreaming, perhaps I dreamed of You my lovely stranger.
It is hard to force myself to get up, because I have got not much time to sleep, if You consider that I slept for only couple of hours.
The day has just began, so it must be the morning.
I must wake up.
A cup of black tea sometimes helps, but only that can bring me to awakening for good.
I look outside to check, whether the winter is still out there, and... yes, it is still there. Everything is covered with white cloak and it is so white, that it kind of hurts my eyes.
I must get dressed, I must go to work. (Yes I do work, if You ask). My work for me is like a savior, that helps me getting through the day and I love my job, but sometimes, only sometimes, I wish I could just stay home, for only this one time, to stay in bed for all the day, to sleep and dream of You.
Don't be concerned my friend about me dreaming too much, dreams are part my life, they are part of me and somehow they are part of You!

I must be going know, the duty that never waits, but...
I'll be thinking that You will wait for me and when come back, you'd wait for me outside my work. You would be holding a lovely purple flower in Your hand, just one. And I would feel so happy, because no one ever did that for me before, you will be the first. I will keep that innocent little purple flower forever, hidden in a book, in a book about love (no other book would do). And even when You are gone, I will have Your flower, that will remind me of You!

And now I'll go, but before I leave, I gently kiss your cheek, that's for the good luck, i feel you will need it today.

Truly Yours as always!


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Writing to You!

How do You start a letter, without knowing the person who You are writing to? Can You actually start by just saying "Hello"? Can it be more intimate or more friendly then just a cold "Hello", that people usually address to everyone? But I know, You are not everyone, so let me begin with saying...

My dearest stranger, my friend,
No longer can I hide my thoughts inside of me. My thought of You. I must confess I think of you too much, while not being sure that you actually exist. Although I think You could be real after all, because I feel it. So here I am, in the middle of the night, writing to You.
Foolish of me You may say? Well don't consider it this way, my friend, because i believe You are somewhere out there, we just haven't met. Or maybe we have? Who knows.
Today, waking up in early morning (four o'clock in the morning to be precise), I had something on my mind, that i could not understand and i needed to say something to someone, but there was no one next to me, so I tried to sleep again, but useless; the dreams of You that go away, they don't come back to me, but I believe that dreams are not for running away from reality, but a beautiful of trying to get closer to desirable.
So, Yes, I see the dreams of You my friend.
I think I know you, I think can hear you voice, saying my name...
It is so cold here, the snow slowly falling down on the ground, sometimes it turns into ice.
It's cold inside - inside of my heart, because it's winter. I truly dislike winter, because it brings us somehow to an end, and ending is never good. For me a spring, when I can dream and be awake at the same time, to feel the warm breath of a gentle wind that says "hello my friend", and then there is summer, when I fell the heat of my body, the urge to take all the heavy thought away, like people take there clothes off. Then the autumn comes, it's when I memorize of all the feelings that felt before, remembering; taking a deep breath and feeling free, just flying and then the winter comes, it comes so unexpectedly, although we wait for it to come, but still not wanting to feel the coldest breath of an Ice queen.
I feel so cold, because You are not here, with me. For some reason I understand why, but my desires remain the same - to be closer, to feel the heat of Your embrace. But it is okay, if You are not here, I know we meet someday ... someday, for sure. It can't be any other way.
So cold!
Now my eyes are slowly closing, but I must say to You, before I fall asleep.
I'll see you in my dreams my perfect stranger. You are a stranger, but perfect one in every single way, perfect to me.
I wish You a good night. I hope You dream of me and then I write to you another letter... soon!

Yours, truly...
N.

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